Characters involved:
- Sejal: Bachelors in EC. Currently employed with Wipro. Born & brought up in Ahmedabad. Details on her blog, and Facebook profile.
- Pulkit (meant for the first-timers): MS by Research, CS. Currently with HP Labs. A native of A’bad. More on his Facebook profile and here.
The marriage theme we followed:
Divert the marriage money to environmental/social causes. In plain words, keep the wedding simple and support ecological conservation/social change with the money saved.
Wedding venue: Arya Samaj (Mandir), Ahmedabad. None of us expected such a spacious place for 2200 bucks [pundit/ritual material included]! Our first choice, though, was the Marriage Registrar’s office.
Spectators: Immediate relatives (around 20 from either side)
Events: Just the marriage ceremony with rituals, followed by lunch in a nearby restaurant [No reception, music night, etc.]
Exchange: After a number of requests/arguments, we managed to ensure minimal give-and-take of gold and gifts, but couldn’t avoid the exchange totally.
Why simple marriage?: Nah, there was no ulterior motive of saving up money for a grand honeymoon or something :).
- Expensive marriages have almost become a must, due to the fear of what ‘people’ will think otherwise. We wanted to emphatically disobey this unwritten societal norm that pushes plenty of families onto hefty loans or the abandonment of a daughter’s education.
- Because the expense is predominantly shouldered by the girl parents, costly marriages (along with dowry) prompt parents to prefer a son over a daughter (whose birth is tantamount to decades of cost cutting).
- Avoid asthma-aggravating fire crackers [Over a lakh small kids labour in the hazardous, harmful surrounds of cracker units], food wastage [Average marriage-wasted food can feed 10 families for a week], and emissions linked to decorative lighting & travels (esp. flights) by the invitees.
- A guest list boasting 500+ invitees does NOT foster relationships. We’d rather invite friends/relatives home in separate clusters, for a meaningful interaction.
Getting the parents on board:
We got them to view this as an extraordinary opportunity of doing a good deed. Still, there remained resistance, as anticipated. But, with time, seeing that our resolve was unshakable, they increasingly softened their stance, so much so that they now brandish the marriage theme to their new acquaintances!. The buzzword is strong-minded persistence: instead of falling prey to momentary emotions, stay committed to your noble plans. Finally, don’t raise hell at the last minute, break the news early!
More photos:
Heartly Congratulations to both of you…!!!
Wish you all the best.
We 99its are proud of you Pulkit.
Great.. very motivating act.
Congratulations to both of you.
awesome.
congratulation pulkit.
Wishing you and your wife a happy life.
Regard
Viji
CONGRATULATIONS….
that was really fantastic…..
hope people adopt this way for a better life of many
Hey.. congrats!!
Congratulations Pulkit…
Your empathy for the society is really exemplory….
Thanks everyone for your wishes.
Hey Sejal,
Congratulations!! Happy married life ahead…..
Sagar
I am nobody to you. But I completely share all your concerns and completely agree.
I had planned to get married in Auroville (Pondicherry) away from known family/friends at similar costs inviting only the immediate family and the registered marriage.
When you come from an upper middle class family, ostentatious display becomes imperative. Sadly, even if you are working in the development sector, you might want to have aspirations of a lavish wedding. And for all those teeming millions who are doing without “Roti, Kapda and Makaan” we do nothing but choose to spend it on ourselves.
May I dare to suggest: If you want to celebrate the marriage – if you dearly want to – do the 25th anniversary by, maybe, feeding thousands and maybe more of poor, hungry children easily found in any part of India.
I had similar ideas too. Unfortunately, for some of these reasons and my principles and ideologies themselves, my marriage never took off! LOL! I remain single and could not marry the woman I have loved dearly for so many damn years (all my life, she’s a childhood friend!)
MANY MANY Congrats on your marriage and wonderful education. Your nobility will hold you in good stead for your future. And yes, if I can ever be of any help to such a noble couple, I would be most delighted to.
Heartiest congratulations to Sejal and Pulkit. You are an inspiration to the rest of us.
My heartiest congratulations. May you have many more weddings such as these ;-)
hi.
many-2 hearty wishes to both of u……….m nobody to u guys….this blog was fwdd to me by a cousin of mine……..
Its too late for me as i have been married for 2 yrs……..faced everything mentioned above…….
but yes u guys hav done really a great job……..
hope people will follow ur foot steps……n contribute their bit for the welfare of the society.
anvita
Hi…
well we are unknown 2 each other but somehow connected…in our motives n morals perhaps…
Anyways.. my hearty congratulations 2 both of u… may u hav successful years ahead..
Sejal n Pulkit u hav really done an appreciable job.. rather an inspirational one.. I think nw 2 make it more special on every anniversary u can arrange 4 some food 4 poors specially children.. They really need people like u…
if anyhow i could ever help u people in any respect i’ll be highly obliged.. For any help plz take a step ahead 2 me…rest i’ll manage…
Congratulations once again..Hav successful years ahead… n yes all the very best. May u always soar higher in ur motives…
Dear Sejal & Pulkit,
Congratulations.
We did the same thing (in fact only in Registrar’s office) 20 years back in presence of parents only.
Probably needless to mention… for the same cause.
nikhil
To Nikhil: Thanks. Good to know that we followed your foot steps :). Regards.
Congratulations Sejal!! that was really fantastic…..
Happy married life ahead…..
Regards
Dilip
Congratulations, Pulkit! May you have a happy married life…!
Our blessings to you both Pulkit and Sejal. May you both have a happy and a fullfiling life togather.We,my husband Prithvi
and I are way older than you .We were simply delighted to know
that there are indeed, young people who care about underprivilaged and marginalised people in India and think about their role in creating a just society by sacrifying their personal resources ,time and energy. You have have set a good example by having a simple marriage and donating the money for the upliftment of the exploited ones. You have set a path for setting the right trends and upholding the right values in the society. May this message of yours inspire more
young people to do the same.Our LOVE and BLESSING!
SUREKHA and PRITHVI.
Hearty Congratulations – Pulkit and Sejal. This is truly inspirational. More than the simple wedding, love the way you have communicated it & inspiring others. Fantastic deed, keep it up!
Congratulations, Sejal and Pulkit. I wish you a very very happy married life. Felt very happy to read your thoughts and the discussions in Comments section.
I very much agree with the thoughts you mentioned in the section, ‘why make donations public?’.
It is very true. If everyone of us think about society and perform our duties and fulfill our responsibilities as a citizen, there would not be poverty, backwardness and any other evil that we can talk about.
Please visit these urls when you find time:
http://groups.google.com/group/birdsofsamefeathers
http://prasanthi.uppalapati.googlepages.com
Birds of same feathers is a platform for all likeminded groups working on different social causes. This is to share information, inspire each other and also to work together wherever possible.
Thank you.
with regards,
Prasanthi.
prasanthi.uppalapati@gmail.com
My heartiest congratulations and Best wishes to Sejal and Pulkit.
Its not just your thoughts and writings,But, your actions are quite reflecting them & inspiring.
I always used to think about the flashy grand marriages and the lumpsum amounts which go into many temples towards God and jewels which can be turned towards betterment of the underpriviliged in the society.But, could not take any major action towards this.
As I see one live example here,I am truley inspired and happy.
As you said “Don’t be driven by momentary emotions”. Yes, If every one can manage to do it,they can see the actual position of the society and the work required towards it.
Best wishes to you both.Keep going in same spirit.
Regards,
Suhasini
Wonderful thoughts and gesture.Simple marriage where rituals are more important than the lavishness, was a budding thought in my mind.Now it has taken a proper shape with your inspirational act.
Best Wishes!!
~Amitha
[...] A Glimpse into My Marriage (photo-rich!) [...]
[...] it’s an era of theme weddings, we couldn’t help but find ourselves one. Our theme was diverting the marriage money to charity. In keeping with this theme, ours was a simple wedding wherein only immediate relatives were [...]
I m a ddit ec student.u have done a good work.
[...] was not to save money for themselves. The couple saved about 1.5 Lakhs and donated it to charity. Pulkit gives us the reasons: * Expensive marriages have almost become a must, due to the fear of what “people” will [...]
hey guys
Congrats first of all
Very appreciable job what u have done is must of inspirational to many . . .
Life Style Channels telecast BIG FAT WEDDINGS . . .
showing very lavish wedding on air, there the couple go on saying we had a very simple marriage . . .
Awesome and inspiring,
You guys are simply amazing!…. I hope that I’ll take a leaf out of your story and wish my marriage to happens the same way :).
Awesome Man…. that’s the right thing to do. I hope to do it the same way. Not hope, its too weak. I expect to do the same!
I am Charu’s father. I was overhelmed by your idea and will try to follow in my Son’s marriage. Refarding Charu’s marriage expanses it depends upon the response from other side. i will suggest that if you can quantify the benefits in terms of money saved/donated and energy saved and thus humble contribution to reduction in global warming it will help to propagate the idea. By the way any idea about how many people got inspired and emulate your example.
Rohit
Elated to hear of your plans, Rohit uncle! About quantification, I see where you are coming from, but different people/regions/cultures spend different sums on the wedding. Moreover, brandishing that, in my case, may also be perceived as self-publicity, with the readers’ focus shifting from the cause to the author of the cause :). So, we chose not to highlight the monetary numbers, which clearly run in lakhs. Having said that, for a general appeal, they are a definite value addition, along with those for the energy/emissions savings, as you rightly mentioned. Please let me know if and how you would like me to do this.
I have received a massive number of comments – here and on emails, many finding this an idea worth adopting; but not sure how many have actually done it. A friend of mine adapted this theme (he somehow couldn’t do away with some of the luxury) to “matching donations” – donating the exact amount (2 lakhs in his case) he spent on his wedding, to various social change groups.
I chanced upon your blog and i must say I am hooked. Keep up the good work and the writting.
Hats off to you, Pulkit ! This is exactly the kind of wedding I want the future generations to pursue. Way to go….
Hi Pulkit,
Really amazing.
Both of you had the courage and the will to make things work your way. I wish that whenever I get married, to try something similar.
Congrats & God Bless
-Ashutosh
Awesome job Sejal and Pulkit. Wish you a very happy married life ahead!!
@Pulkit: I am currently doing the fellowship with Sej and have heard a lot about u. Should meet up when u are in here in Blore. :)
Your marriage story is very inspiring! Pls keep your blogs going! Good luck!
Lakshmi
My heartiest congratulations and Best wishes to Sejal and Pulkit.
Its not just your thoughts and writings,But, your actions are quite reflecting them & inspiring.
I always used to think about the flashy grand marriages and the lumpsum amounts which go into many temples towards God and jewels which can be turned towards betterment of the underpriviliged in the society.But, could not take any major action towards this.
As I see one live example here,I am truley inspired and happy.
As you said “Don’t be driven by momentary emotions”. Yes, If every one can manage to do it,they can see the actual position of the society and the work required towards it.
Best wishes to you both.Keep going in same spirit.
Regards,
Tushar
My partner and I received a huge amount of pleasure from the blog post. For your efforts we offer you this interesting quote. – “Never be entirely idle; but either be reading, or writing, or praying or meditating or endeavoring something for the public good.” ~ Thomas a Kempis (1380 – 1471)
Hello Sejal and Pulkit – have interacted with Sejal on the indian Vegan facebook group. Was delighted to see this article on your wedding – thie is truly inspiring stuff . Way to go folks!
gud motivation for others to follow..